Domme, Sub or Submissive?

A Brief Introduction to BDSM

BDSM is technically an acronym – BD standing for Bondage & Discipline, SM for Sadism & Masochism – and optionally DS for Dominance & Submission. In reality it refers to a huge range of activities! Someone interested in BDSM might be interested in one or more fetishes, corporal punishment, physical stimulation with ice or hot wax – being restrained, humiliated, or costumed – or perhaps just ordered to do as told. All of these activities are welcome at Pandora’s Box Dungeon NY, where we practice safe, sane and consensual BDSM. 

Our professionals are trained and highly skilled, both to choreograph an unforgettable experience incorporating your favorite activities AND to ensure the safety and sanity of all those involved. We can accommodate both veteran players and nervous novices. Every day our Mistresses deliver the cerebral experience of letting go – and embracing your kink!

Read on to learn what to expect from our professional Mistresses – and what they in turn expect from you!

The Dominant

Dominants are in charge of orchestrating BDSM fantasies for submissives – and themselves of course. When a Mistress takes a dominant role she is to be viewed as superior. She will exude confidence and direct activities as she sees fit. She maintains control throughout the scene, ensuring that all interests are addressed (within reason) while respecting any and all limits established by the submissive.

Mistresses, especially at Pandora’s, will usually begin by getting to know a submissive before sessioning. This involves a brief, honest, and direct discussion about what the submissive wants, and does not want. 

Not all Dominants are the same. While many possess a wide range of skills and interests, some may specialize – as a strict disciplinarian, a humiliatrix, medical specialist, latex fetishist, bondage, corporal, genitorturer, etc.  At Pandora’s Box you’ll find most of our Mistresses are also masters of versatility.

Part of a Dominant’s personality is choice of dress. Mistresses at Pandora’s Box have access to a huge fetish wardrobe, 100’s of outfits and costumes to choose from.  

Beyond that, you may find your Mistress to be cold, cruel and calculating – or loving, caring and funny, even. Or maybe all of those at once! Be aware that most Dominants also have boundaries – activities or styles of play they may prefer not to engage in for one reason or another.

The Submissive

Submissives in BDSM are looking to “play” – to engage in BDSM or fetish activities that they find interesting, stimulating or just unbearably hot. For a submissive, however, it is not enough to simply do these things; they want to have these things done to them, or at least be led through it – with the illusion of loss of control. Submissives need a dominant to do this for them, while respecting their limits. For example, they may ask not to be left with marks, not to be blindfolded, or to avoid certain words or activities that they find problematic.

This is known as consensual power exchange – a key element of BDSM.

Some submissives know their desires and can almost write a script describing what they want to do. Others may enjoy a range of activities, or still be evolving. Some enjoy dressing up, others may prefer being in their birthday suits. 

The Switch

Variety is the spice of life. Sometimes, a dominant wants to see what it feels like from the submissive perspective, or a Submissive may want to be in charge, turning the tables on the dominant – or just enjoying a different set of activities. This is usually referred to as “Switching”. 

A “Switch” is a BDSM player who can engage from both the Dominant and Submissive perspective. 

A switch scene might include taking turns spanking each other, tying each other up, or engaging in fetish play.  It’s even more essential that all parties respect each the other’s boundaries at such times. As in all BDSM scenes, successful play is built on mutual trust.

Setting The Stage

Before play of any kind begins, it is essential that the submissive/slave engage in a direct and honest dialogue with the Dominant – candidly describing their interests, limits, fears, and past experiences, wardrobe or demeanor preferences – plus any medical issues. 

There’s no way you’re going to shock any Mistress at Pandora’s Box, by the way. After 20 years of operation, we’ve seen and heard it all, and we never judge. 

During The Scene

Following the discussion, the Dominant will then usually take a few moments to prepare, before initiating the session – and delivering a tailored, unique scene incorporating the desired activities while respecting the submissives limits and the Mistresses own boundaries. 

Scenes can be short and sweet, or long and messy. Or anything in between. 

One thing to expect is that the dominant will maintain control over the scene at all times – paying attention to how the submissive is responding, listening for safewords or other hints that it’s time to back off or increase intensity – and ultimately introducing exciting new instruments or activities within the submissive’s limits.

After The Scene

Most Dominants are keenly interested in their submissive’s satisfaction, and will ask about how things went after the scene. Giving detailed, honest feedback is always the best policy. They may also offer Aftercare in the form of a shoulder rub to ensure that the Submissive does not experience a distressing emotional “drop” after the scene. 

One thing that’s nice about playing at Pandora’s Box Dungeon NY is that our Mistresses clean up after every scene – unless you want to help, of course!

Happy playing!

For Further Reading

Rekink’s List of Fetishes, Kinks and Terminology

Maya Midnight’s Guide for Newbies